Like Jessica Misener, the author of this BuzzFeed article, I used to be a born-again Christian. And, at times, I miss certain aspects of it greatly--in particular, the friendships I cultivated during that time. Unlike Ms. Misener, I stuck with it for twice as long as she did--twelve years, to be precise, from the ages of 18 to 30. But, like her, I abandoned it when I reached a point at which my mind could no longer accept much of the dogma I had been fed during that period, frequently on the most dubious of Biblical grounds. Like her, I came to understand that true power comes from knowledge--and that knowledge, and the spirit of inquiry that supports its acquisition, are not things to be avoided and feared, but should be wholeheartedly embraced and enjoyed on a lifelong basis.
But I can relate very powerfully to the void she feels about having lost the sense of mission and purpose that being an evangelical gave to her. Let me offer her, and others in her position, a few words of helpful advice, based on my own experience in walking away from God--and, later on, walking back toward Him, Her, It or Them again.
From the moment of my own conversion experience as a college freshman, which was an outcropping of my involvement with a January-term Bible study in my dorm, it was drummed into my head that any thoughts I had for my own interests and intentions were not God's will, but came either from my own sinful nature or the Devil. This led me down a path in which I would often act against my own best interests, both in career choices and in dating, because I was absolutely convinced that, if I wanted something, that "something" could not possibly be God's will for me.
Oddly enough, the negative effects of this didn't deter me. My evangelical friends would simply remind me that, like the great spiritual figures of Scripture, I was no doubt being prepared for some great destiny. And they would volunteer to pray for me. Not help me, mind you, when I needed a job or a companion. Just pray for me. Because prayer "works wonders." To say nothing of the fact that it's easier and more convenient that actually providing help.
All this led me to a professional and personal dead end a few months after my 30th birthday. It was Christmas, and I was about to be fired from a dead-end job. I had no family of my own, no career prospects, the contempt of my parents, not even a church that really made me feel welcome. I was in complete despair, until I realized I had a choice. Instead of defying my instincts and desires, I could find a way to trust them, and act upon them. If my life was destined to be a failure, then at the very least it would be a failure on my own terms--not on the terms of a God who had seemingly deserted me.
That was slightly more than 27 years ago. Since then, I became a lawyer, passed the bar in three jurisdictions, got married, became a stepfather (and, now, a stepgrandfather), build a career in State government and helped found a law firm with my wife, who fulfilled a lifelong dream by going to law school at night during the early years of our marriage. Along the way, I learned the best way to deal with one's desires and goals--which is not to destroy them, but to express them in ways that benefit others around you. Self-interest and altruism are not mutually exclusive; they can work hand-in-hand, and are at their best when they do so. I've made mistakes in the process, but I've learned from them. And, in the process, I've found the faith to pray again. My prayers now are more contemplative, less dogmatic, and balance personal concerns with the concerns of the world around me.
Ultimately, that is the best advice I can give to you, Ms. Misener, and those in your position. Live your life. Do what interests you without fear or shame, so long as you don't hurt others. Look for ways to find the intersection of your needs and interests, and those of others. If you do those things, you'll find that void you feel will get filled up very quickly. And, along the way, I hope you'll discover as I have that the best way to hold on to God's hand is with a looser grip.
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