The Lifelong Curse Of Bullying

Full disclosure:  I am a victim of childhood bullying.

I was "different."  I liked to read, instead of playing sports.  I got along better with adults than I did with kids my own age.  For that matter, when it came to kids my own age, I got along better with girls than with boys.  I came from an educated, professional family, with a university professor for a father and a registered nurse for a mother, which made me even more of an anomaly in what was then still a predominantly blue-collar town of high school graduates.

All of those things made me a target for boys who, lacking the ability to acknowledge and work through their insecurities, acted them out by picking on--and, sometimes, beating--boys who didn't seem to share their warped, ignorant way of looking at life and the world.  In other words, me.

It's no surprise that, in adulthood, one of them went to jail for armed robbery.  But, even if all of them had suffered a similar fate, it would also be cold consolation.  Because, on a certain level, their constant tormenting worked.

My college and young-adult years were plagued by a deep-seated sense of insecurity that I knew, even then, was rooted in the bullying I had experienced.  Even worse, that insecurity was compounded by a set of religious beliefs I acquired in college that, far from strengthening me, made me even more of a victim of insecurity and self-doubt.

It was only when I turned 30 that I realized that I had no alternative in life but to face down my self-doubt, to learn to trust both my talent and my instincts, and forge ahead without worrying about what other people thought about me.  Happily, it worked.

But no one, and I mean NO ONE, should have to go through what I went thought.  Especially now that we have evidence that I was not alone, and was not the greatest victim.

If you have or know a child who is being bullied, do something about it.  Get involved.  Help the child to not only deal with the bullies, but also to not buy into the bullying.  Make it clear that the bullying behavior is about the bullies, not the target.  And if the bullying reaches the level of violence, even once, call in the police.  For that matter, call in the bully's parents.

Above all, do something.  It's not just the victims' futures that are at stake.  It's yours as well.

Thank you.