Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Top Ten Reasons Why The Republican Party Is Dying

With apologies to David Letterman.

10.  Its unwavering belief that you can make a dog hunt by beating it--or, in this case, by making it pay for welfare, or cutting its jobless benefits;

9.  Its willingness to embrace socialized medicine, provided that someone else pays for it;

8.  A Speaker of the House so weak that he can be beaten up by a grandmother;

7.  Its world-class ability to argue in favor of things they allegedly oppose, like the minimum wage;

6.  Its unshakable belief that limited government so limited that it has the Constitutional obligation to do absolutely nothing;

5.  Its willingness to devour anyone who exposes its lies, especially its budget lies, and its constituents' willingness to devour its most respected leaders for any deviations from orthodoxy (watch John McCain's chickens come home to roost here);

4.  Even Tom Friedman has given up on it (sort of; see the second sentence of the fifth paragraph);

3.  The effectiveness of its race-baiting has become so threadbare that it has abandoned the dog whistle in favor of the foghorn;

2.  (This is a Top Ten List, so a bunch of these have to be bunched up):
     2a.  Democrats are no longer afraid to fight back;
     2b.  It can't pass its own character test;
     2c.  It can't tell the difference between truth and satire;
     2d.  Even its members think it's in the middle of a divorce.

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